I'll just dream of pancakes

I really want to use this blog to share how far I've come, I feel every now and then you really need to take a minute and think 'Yeah, I'm proud of myself for that. I just kept going'. For now I'll begin with something that seems to be a big part of my life and has been for a while now... weight loss. I even find it awkward saying I've lost weight, it's a strange thing to me. 

I have completely changed my life style yet some days I will wear something or do something and when I look in the mirror I look exactly the same as before. I found this happens a lot when I look down and I constantly convince myself that no part of my stomach has gone down. It's weird how others can tell you daily that you are not the same as you once were but it's really one of those things you have to believe yourself. If I don't go to the gym I feel bad, if I have one custard cream I think about it for hours and how I didn't actually need it. I don't know why I can get like that, I think I'm a bit off balance with understanding to treat myself occasionally and realising no matter how much I want them, in the long run, abs won't make me happy.  

Maybe I need to focus on the positives more. I have dropped four sizes and now go to classes at the gym on my own. When I first realised something needed to be done I was 18 and seeming to get bigger and bigger; I went to the gym with my friend and had an anxiety attack like no other. I think the phycological element of weight loss needs to be discussed more; four sizes smaller and I couldn't see that I would finally be able to get into smaller clothes, thinking that my size 16 tops still looked too tight. I've never really shared anything like this on my blog but I think its important to really take those moments to look at your life and see how far come as a person but most importantly be proud of it; I just wish I had learnt a bit sooner that I didn't need to lose weight to feel this way about myself, as Vincent Van Gogh once said “If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is a grass in the beginning.”

A Random Haul...

I have a bit of a shopping problem although I've never done a haul on my blog; this is about to change. The first of many will be a bit of a random one! Showing my obsession with homeware and the exercise hype I'm on at the moment. Lets begin with trusty Primark. As I've got older I seem to only buy clothes from there if they are to do with Disney; I never thought their clothes were the best quality, I guess you can't expect a lot with how little they cost, their homeware on the other hand is both affordable and able to challenge other stores on the quality. I felt my bedroom needed to be injected with some colour and when I saw palm tree patterned cushions for £3 and turtle bedding I knew purchases would be made. The stuff they have in right now is the nicest stuff they have had in my opinion, you need to go and have a look! I'm still not sure how I feel about my £5 purchase from Tiger, this Ab Wheel is not for me at the moment. I am just a weakling right now but its one of those things that you can almost feel working. For the price I can't complain, hopefully I will actually develop some abs, wish me luck!

February Fitness

I've done a blog post before all about my weight loss motivation although this one is a lot different. When I wrote that last blog post I had just finished a successful workout that lasted seven months and summer was coming to an end. This time last year I had only just started working out everyday at home but this year I am even more motivated and with the start of February means serious fitness needs to be done. All my chocolate is finally gone from christmas and I now have a more intense workout routine compared to what I was used to. For the first time in my life I am finally going to the gym; I have moved past feeling like everyone is judging me and have learnt to just get on with it with no cares. My diet isn't terrible but I will be making some changes to improve it and with going to the gym three times a week I'm hoping improvements will begin appearing soon. I need to start using my excercise bike more and with that in the mix I refuse to let summer arrive and still be looking the same, wish me luck.