I'll just dream of pancakes

I really want to use this blog to share how far I've come, I feel every now and then you really need to take a minute and think 'Yeah, I'm proud of myself for that. I just kept going'. For now I'll begin with something that seems to be a big part of my life and has been for a while now... weight loss. I even find it awkward saying I've lost weight, it's a strange thing to me. 

I have completely changed my life style yet some days I will wear something or do something and when I look in the mirror I look exactly the same as before. I found this happens a lot when I look down and I constantly convince myself that no part of my stomach has gone down. It's weird how others can tell you daily that you are not the same as you once were but it's really one of those things you have to believe yourself. If I don't go to the gym I feel bad, if I have one custard cream I think about it for hours and how I didn't actually need it. I don't know why I can get like that, I think I'm a bit off balance with understanding to treat myself occasionally and realising no matter how much I want them, in the long run, abs won't make me happy.  

Maybe I need to focus on the positives more. I have dropped four sizes and now go to classes at the gym on my own. When I first realised something needed to be done I was 18 and seeming to get bigger and bigger; I went to the gym with my friend and had an anxiety attack like no other. I think the phycological element of weight loss needs to be discussed more; four sizes smaller and I couldn't see that I would finally be able to get into smaller clothes, thinking that my size 16 tops still looked too tight. I've never really shared anything like this on my blog but I think its important to really take those moments to look at your life and see how far come as a person but most importantly be proud of it; I just wish I had learnt a bit sooner that I didn't need to lose weight to feel this way about myself, as Vincent Van Gogh once said “If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is a grass in the beginning.”